I do not claim to be an expert on marriage. On the contrary, I do consider myself to be an expert on divorce. UHHGG, what a dose of reality!
If only we could see how our decisions that we make today, would affect our future. I am the first to say there are times when divorce should be a consideration: Adultery, Alcohol and Drug abuse, and Mental or Physical abuse to name a few. But to contemplate divorce because marriage is too hard, or because you got married to young, or because you think your spouse has changed is incomprehensible.
I want to tell the people that are at this place to STOP! Stop all of the madness and WAIT. For what, you might ask? For change. It usually will come in time. We live in a society that expects, and at times demands immediate results. We live with a “fast food mentality”. Can you imagine the days when people had to get up and milk the cows, gather the eggs, build the fire and THEN cook the breakfast for their family? These people knew how to wait!
If you think marriage is hard, try blending a new life with your present life. You may divorce your spouse, but you can never divorce your family. A family is designed by God. He says what God has joined together let no man tear apart. If you tear a piece of silk and try to patch the fabric, it will look a mess. What you end up with is fragmented lives that are patched, but still a mess.
Relationships are affected in too many ways to even describe. In my personal experience, after five years I still miss my in-laws: The Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Brothers and Sister in laws. I miss the reunion that I was once a part. My children still go, and I spend the week thinking about what everyone is doing. The Ladies Luncheon that I proudly attended with my daughters and lounging all day at the beach. Watching the kids play, sharing the “best beach read” and knowing we would all see each other again next year.
I watched as other family members went through a divorce. They would show up one year at the beach alone, or with only the kids. We would politely inquire about the missing party, and would quietly acknowledge the circumstances with much sorrow. Its amazing to me that when there is a death in the family we all gather together and share the pain and grief. Doesn’t it seem to reason that we should be able to share in the pain of the divorce? No, because there are no rules written. It is not Gods plan. We all know that there is a time for all seasons in Ecclesiastes. Not once does it ever mention a time to Divorce. Only a time to live and a time to die. That is the “normal” we are all prepared for. No one is ever prepared for Divorce.
The holidays are tough enough with the stress and strain it puts on a family. Throw a divorce in to the mix and you create chaos! My kids don’t want to miss Thanksgiving dinner with anyone. So they eat three times on Thanksgiving day. Trying to give at least 2 hours to each parent.
I guess we think it is a quick fix. You don’t get along. You get a divorce. Life is better. WRONG! Life is not better, it is different. You may tell yourself it is better…but better for whom? Not for your kids who can never spend Christmas at home. They spend Christmas at Mom’s house or at Dad’s house. There is an unnecessary stress added to their lives for every single event and special occasion that they want to share with their parents. I could go on and on. When you have little ones and are caught up in the daily grind, it is almost impossible to think about graduations, weddings and the birth of grandchildren.
To anyone who reads this and is contemplating divorce, I would ask that you go “back to the future”. I challenge you to WAIT.
